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Friday, November 30, 2012

just a follow up,


Walking back in to the doctor two weeks later after the miscarriage and d&c,
I have been blind sighted with about a thousand emotions I never saw coming.

I had been doing good and I try not to think about it all too much..
because when you dwell on negativity, it will consume you.. and not in a good way,
so i have avoided it as much as I can. so therefore,
i only have emotional moments when i talk about the process outloud
or go into deep thinking about what all has gone on.

But walking into the doctor today, waiting in the waiting room seeing different stages of pregnancy walk in and out of that room.. I realized how hard it was.
I started getting all emotional again.
waiting rooms are the worst, especially when you have things on your mind.


They called me back and took me into that same ultrasound room,
the same one where I last saw our baby with no heart beat.
I immediately started bawling, totally didn't see that coming.


And why an ultrasound room?
Can't they do this exam checkup in a regular visit room?
There's no baby in there anymore so it kinda felt a little like a slap in the face..
even though i came to realize that it was the best room to take me too incase my cervix felt hard? (nurse knowledge) and if they needed they would need to go in and do an ultrasound..
they do know what they are doing,
the nurses and doctor were so sweet while i sat there shocked at how emotional i was,
crying my precious little eyes out and i appreciated not feeling like i was crazy for being this emotional.

It is hard hearing babies heart beats in other rooms..
I never knew how badly I wished it was me hearing that sound instead of being in the situation I'm in but i will be forever more  grateful for this next pregnancy that can't come soon enough!
once again the "waiting game" continues..
it sucks when the doctor says to you,
k, you can try again in two to three months.
like no big deal, 2-3 months....
it seems like forever away!!

a couple of hours after my appointment i am feeling better
so on a lighter note,
I'm hoping no more bad news comes from that place
and I hate that this happens way too often with many other women..
I have appreciated all the loving words & support that has come from so many of you!
sometimes it is soo much easier to write things down on this blog, so much easier than talking about it in person or over the phone with friends.. so i'm sorry if you are a close friend or family member and you have only heard about this through the blog.
I'm pretty sure I couldn't make it through an outloud conversation.

Our Miscarriage/Trying to get Pregnancy Journey // read about it here

14 comments:

  1. I know no words could probably comfort you at this time but you are in my prayers. I am so sorry you had to go through this. Just stay strong for that little beauty you have

    {{hugs}} xoxo

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  2. Hugs to you Lindsey! I wish I would have had the courage to share my story more when we were going through it! You are helping a lot of people by sharing! Thinking of you lady:)
    Ashley

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  3. Its hard and something I wish no one would ever have to experience. I have had 2 back to back miscarriages and I am currently 7 weeks pregnant. I am scared every time I feel and ache and every time I go to the bathroom. I cannot remember the last time I didn't look after wiping . Its not easy but my comfort is in knowing that my babies are in heaven and they will never have to experience the pain here on earth. The will only ever know perfect peace. But I still have a hard time. I hated going to the ob's office afterward as well as seeing families with 3 young children, because that was supposed to be me. I know my 2 and 3 year old are such blessings from God. And talking about it is so hard, I too can only write about it. I will be praying for peace for you.

    This verse has brought me so much comfort-- Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worth of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me- everything you heard from and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
    Philippians 4:6-9

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  4. ::hugs:: i've been there to. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way!

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  5. Oh linds i'm so sorry. I wanted to talk to you last night but I know that when people tried to talk to me about it I always lost it. It is hard to talk about. Not that you don't want to hear it, it just bring emotions to the surface. Just know you are in our prayers and that sweet baby will come when it's suppose to. The Lords plan is always the best plan no matter how hard it can be. Love ya girly!!

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  6. You are so strong! I know 2 to 3 months must seem like an eternity, but I can only hope that God will take this time to heal your heart and give you some peace before he blesses you with a new perfect baby. You and your family are in our prayers.

    Xo, B
    Heavensenthunleys.blogspot.com

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  7. I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely know how you feel. I had a miscarriage and d&c this year. I like to view it the same as you. When your healthy baby comes you'll be so appreciative and blessed. Sending good thoughts to you and your family.

    Xoxo

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  8. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending big hugs and good thoughts your way. Can't imagine how your feeling right now.

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  9. I'm sorry I've been there and there's no words that can comfort you. All I can say is that you will get through it, it's still fresh but God has a bigger purpose you just DON'T see it yet. God bless, you will be in my prayers and thoughts.

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  10. i am so sorry to hear this sweet mama :( losing a baby is one of the hardest things to go through...take your time and grieve however you need to. you will meet your angel some day and will be blessed with another baby soon <3 i've traveled a long tough road with pregnancy...delivering my sweet 1 lb girl early, then losing a boy at 13 weeks. but i finally just got my happy ending and had a full term boy. i'm sure your happy ending is in sight. ((HUGS))

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  11. sending prayers your way that time goes fast for you!

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  12. I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers to you and your family.

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  13. Hi Lindsay,
    I stumbled upon your blog a few months back. I was a studio product photographer for a department store before having my son (who is almost 2) and deciding to be a stay at home mom. I believe I found your blog for this moment, so I wouldn't feel alone. I was 3 days behind you on the d&c. I was 10 weeks when they found I had a missed miscarriage and my baby had stopped growing at 8. I had no symptoms, so I was very shocked and not to mention alone at the appointment with my son. I was due on June 16. Today marks two weeks since I found out. I wanted you to know you aren't alone, and it helps me knowing your thoughts. None of my friends have experienced this, so it's hard dealing with the emotions, especially when you feel that they can't understand until you can, ya know? You are in my prayers, and thank you for posting about this as hard as it was. We will be pregnant again soon!
    Thanks again,
    Kate

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  14. Thank you EVERYONE for the words of encouragement & stories that yall relate to! I appreciate them more than you'll know! Sorry I am not responding to each individual - but know that I have read them & appreciate it!

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