it has given me plenty of time to evaluate the precious gift of motherhood.
there is a lot i have learned, many stories i have heard, and i have been put back in my place several times, others travel hard roads too
and i have realized over and over again...
life, in more ways than one.. happens on HIS time, not mine.
I wrote this a little while ago, it has been a re-occurring thought
not always one that is so easy to express or just share
let's start way back last year when baby number two starts coming into my head..
the 3 years apart thing was coming up..
so i started planning things out in my head.
i'm a planner,
especially for these kinda things. they need to be planned
there needs to be strategy, timing, and preparedness for two kids.
so i started thinking 'ideally' on how i wanted things to play out.
when to get my iud out,
how far apart they would be,
month of birthdays,
husbands work & school.. play parts too,
tyson was not so much on this 'planning' thing- he doesn't really stress on 'planning'
so i went to my older sister for chats.
i remember when i was trying to calculate things out in my head & when ideally i wanted to start trying for second baby & my sister mentioned in a round about way "it's not as easy as planning" and I remember thinking in the nicest way possible (i promise)
"just because its been a hard road for you, doesn't mean that's where my fate will lie "
my sister and I have the utmost support for each other no matter the situation
and so i thought, it would be fairly easy to get pregnant, and plan
my sister has struggled getting baby number 2 for almost 2 years.
she has learned herself, things don't always go as planned.
we announced baby number 2 (this wasn't an overnight or month thing)
coincidentally the due date wasn't even at the most ideal time but we were excited regardless.
we shared the news with some of our closest friends and family members.
kristin was one of them, my best friend all growing up.
a couple of weeks later she found out to their surprise
she too, was pregnant!
can you imagine the excitement going through my head??
this was something we talked about-
but not something in my wildest thoughts would ever happen.
but seriously the timing?? you can't time things like pregnancies.
let alone with neither of us technically "really trying"
she ended up going in to her first appointment the same day i had my second followup.
hers was in the morning and mine was a couple of hours later.. (we don't live in the same state)
i was almost 8 weeks and we found out she was 6
she was given her due date, the same day i was given the news our baby didn't have a heart beat.
things aren't always ideal.
i was crushed, so sad we wouldn't have babies so close & go through pregnancy together
don't get me wrong,
i was still sooo so excited for her and her first baby. regardless of our news.
i remember in our phone calls the "whens a safe time to announce" came up,
she was nervous to announce too early..
but the only thing i could keep thinking was
you will be fine, since i miscarried maybe i took your percent away
so fast forward to a month later...
i received an almost identical text from kristin
"my baby doesn't have a heartbeat either"
my jaw dropped..
the thought of that was near impossible.
both of us both get pregnant together.
and both miscarry together?
this just doesn't happen..
she was about to go through that all too familiar situation.
after talking and over analyzing every step along the way..
once again I was taken back to.. we have no control.
this is all on HIS time, not ours.
life will happen the way it needs to, and apparently i need that little reminder often
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."