Saturday, June 29, 2013

june 29th


today was the due date of our miscarriage,
i honestly thought i'd be pregnant again by this date..

i am slowly trying to accept over and over again
things don't always happen when we want them to happen.

6 months of trying,
a couple of weeks out of every month
are full of anticipation
then followed with disappointment and sadness
i get emotional about it all
i wonder why it is that we haven't been blessed with another pregnancy
then I wonder what it is that we are suppose to be learning from all of this.

is there something that is going to happen to our family,
that means we aren't suppose to have a baby right now?

do i need to be doing something different?

why is it that now is not the right time for our family,
but not the case for just about everyone else on "facebook".

so many question and no answers
time will tell and that's the most frustrating part of it all.

honestly I look at all the trials that could be handed to us..
and this is something so so little
something that in the big picture of things I would much rather take over other things
but I still get let down every month.
still have feelings of disappointment
still an emotional wreck on the inside when the "not pregnant" shows up
luckily the feelings fade and i'll go back to being ok with it all
until the next round of anticipation comes.
it's like a little emotional roller coaster month after month.

i try not to "stress" over it all,
which i would probably tell you i don't stress about it..
but in all reality there is that stress factor that just naturally comes
even if you try so hard to avoid thinking about it all.
it just there, whether you want it to be or not.

the thing i hate most is people told me
"fertility goes up after miscarriage"
not the case for us

i haven't updated much on the miscarriage process, the last time was back in February..
but i felt it was time to at least update

Our Miscarriage/Trying to get Pregnancy Journey // read about it here

12 comments:

  1. it took us almost 1 year to get pregnant with our first. it was a very hard process. i will be praying for you!

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  2. Hello Love,

    I've often thought about how I'm going to acknowledge my due date on October 7th.

    You've written out my thoughts and feelings to a T. I am sorry that you feel stress, frustration and disappointment. I cannot find the words to soothe your heart, however I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason, and we will conceive again when the time is right. As much as we plan around each ovulation time each month, we are not in control of our plan. Sometimes, talking myself into believing those words makes me feel better.

    My thoughts are with you today. xoxo

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss, and I am feeling for you on this difficult day.

    I can sympathise with how you are feeling. It took us 20 months to conceive our first, while it seemed everyone around us conceived in 1 month. So, I understand the emotional rollercoster. Such a hard time of dissapointment,anger, questions,and not a lot of answers. Our second baby was a miscarriage, again a lot of hurt, dissapointment, and questions.

    I pray that it does not take much longer for you and soon you will see pregnant on the test xox

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  4. I'm so sorry for your loss :( I know that nothing anyone can say can make things 'right' - miscarriage is such a hard thing to go through, something that leaves so many questions unanswered. I often wonder what it'll be like when I reach my would have been due date, I just keep praying that things will get easier with time.

    Thinking of you - *hugs* mama

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  5. we struggled so very much when TTC and dealing with my infertility. it really does wear and tear on the heart. i wouldnt wish it upon anyone. i am so sorry for your loss mama. and your struggles. can't wait for the day you share your happy news about being able to expand your family.
    xxo

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  6. I've been off bc since Feb, and much like you wrote, NOTHING has happened. I feel exactly as you do, the constant instagram blogger facebook in your face with people that are having babies and well the other half of us that just aren't for whatever reason. lol The up side is that God did bless you with one beautiful little girl. Better to have one, than none right?

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  7. The picture for this post is beautiful...I have no words that will take any pain away but I do know that the baby that was due to be born to you on this day is beautiful and sitting on Jesus lap himself as his/her family hold eachother closely. it will happen and count your blessings mean little when you are once again staring down at disappointment. Your honest words pierced my heart for you. I love the instagram picture of you guys at the movie...drive in? empty theatre all to yourselves? Looks like fun!

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  8. Thank you for sharing this! You are not alone!

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  9. I'm so sorry. Just said a prayer for your sweet little family.

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  10. Lindsey, I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. I can really relate to what you are going through. It took me 8 months to get pregnant and then I had a miscarriage. :( It took another 8 months to get pregnant again. I was pretty upset about the miscarriage but I felt that I took it really well. I remember the frustration, anxiety, waiting, sadness, jealousy, and all the other emotions that come with trying to conceive. I remember two co-workers that got pregnant and didn't want to be while here I was trying to finally get pregnant. It's hard to watch from the sidelines. Once I had my son, it brought back feelings of what my first baby could have been. Feelings that maybe I hadn't dealt with during the miscarriage. I'm praying for your healing during this difficult time.

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  11. I agree with Amber, all those feelings she mentioned can permeate your entire being. I too have dealt with miscarriage after 2 years of ttc. I want to expand my family and give my son a sibling but I rest in the fact that God has a plan for me and my family. If I place all my faith in God, the stress is significantly reduced. This post brought tears to my eyes as it took me back to my situation. God bless, and know you are not alone......

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  12. my miscarriage due date is august 29th.. I had a horrible experience with the whole thing. I'm hoping soon we will be blessed with another child as well. I really never talked to anyone who understood what i was going thru and by reading this it really makes me happy to know I'm not alone like i thought i was. thank you for sharing your feelings & keep your head up! ;)

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