Monday, August 29, 2016

so are yall having more? when's the next one?

Okkkkk. deep breath..
this is a question I get asked quite often in real life,
and not one that I am bothered by.

so let's chat!
It's been a while since I've been in the mood to sit and write out my thoughts on this topic!

It has seriously been on my mind since the day Zoey was born.. almost 2 years ago

So many of you who follow maybe remember that me and Ty found out we were Cystic Fibrosis carriers, during our pregnancy with Zoey.

If you don't and are interested you can rewind a little
and go back to some post where I had mentioned it:
Where I updated the blog on our pregnancy with Zoey
Zoey's 1 Month Old Recap
Zoey's 2 Months Old Recap

At about 13 weeks they tested me for the Cystic Fibrosis screening
and then when mine came back positive they had Ty tested..
Sure enough ours BOTH were positive.

Well this means there is a 1 in 4 chance that our children could be born with Cystic Fibrosis
and a even greater chance that each child will be carriers like me and Tyson.

Honestly it is a disease I have heard of but hardly knew anything about until I researched it.
Then I would hear situations or stories on Cystic Fibrosis all over the place, because it became a very real and too close to home topic. Isn't that how it always goes? You never notice certain things before, but once it effects you, you become so very aware of it!

SO, we decided to not test Zoey in my tummy to see if she would have it, there was nothing we could change she was coming to us with or without cystic fibrosis. I prayed so hard for her to come to us healthy so that she could enjoy life without having daily breathing treatments, possible lung transplants down the road, or even the fact that she would grow up knowing that 30 years old is the average life span of someone who has cystic fibrosis. The thought of all the possibilities that Cystic Fibrosis entails was overwhelming and to be honest it still breaks my heart knowing what all CF children and adults have to go through. It's a rough road!


If you are unaware of what Cystic Fibrosis is: 
It's when your mucus becomes thick and sticky.
It builds up in your lungs and blocks your airways.
(Airways are tubes that carry air in and out of your lungs.)

The buildup of mucus makes it easy for bacteria to grow.
This leads to repeated, serious lung infections.
Over time, these infections can severely damage your lungs.

The thick, sticky mucus also can block tubes, or ducts, in your pancreas (an organ in your abdomen).
As a result, the digestive enzymes that your pancreas makes can't reach your small intestine.
These enzymes help break down food. Without them, your intestines can't fully absorb fats and proteins. This can cause vitamin deficiency and malnutrition because nutrients pass through your body without being used.
You also may have bulky stools, intestinal gas, a swollen belly from severe constipation, and pain or discomfort.


This is just the main portion of what all it entails..
there is so much more and I'm no professional on the entire disease.

So once Zoey was born we had her tested- since you can't always tell that something is wrong.
they do two testings: one right after she was born and then another at her next set of shots..
thankfully they both came back negative!

But ever since she was born, the thought of more children and the risk of CF wouldn't stay off my mind. At that point (rocking a newborn).. I wanted to know, was this the last time I was going to be able to love on my own newborn? Was this my last child? I wanted to prepare myself to be ready for that possibility.

Tyson and I have always been on the same page with having 3 kids.
I always wanted one more than what me and my sister had and it just felt right.

My mom once said after we were all grown up and out of the house and moved to different states, "why didn't anyone tell me to have more kids?"
I KNOW this would be my thoughts exactly looking down the road.. but I also KNOW and have come to the conclusion.. I would definitely not be able to handle all the anxiety of bringing a child into this world knowing that there is a good chance we would be giving her/him this disease. It would break me to the core watching her suffer or go through the stories I've heard others have to go through. So I've been torn between these two strong feelings for the last couple of years.

Let's rewind a little again, back when I found out we were both carriers the doctor actually referred us over to a genetics doctor to discuss what all it meant and what it means for the future.. but I never went forward with it.. I mainly just researched it online.

There is another option called IVF PGD, it's where they can go through and pull out the Cystic Fibrosis gene and make sure it does not get passed on to the child. I don't think it's a 100% but the chances of passing it on are really slim through this route. Seems like a no brainer but there is so much more that goes into this process, financially, spriritually, emotionally, and physically.

But after Zoey was born and I longed to have some answers on this topic I setup an appointment at an IVF office.  Me and Tyson were both informed on many things and I felt like I had my answer.. he re-instilled in us that we were VERY lucky to have two healthy children. Anyways I won't go over that entire visit..  but we were obviously not ready for IVF we were just there for the information.

So, as Zoey has gotten older I'm feeling more pressure..
it's not a quick process.. and the gap between kids just keeps growing.
We have been praying about it trying to know what route we should go:
be done with two kids, risk it (which is not really an option in my head), or IVF PGD. 

When Zoey became more difficult and my patience ran thin I started to think well maybe I'm not suppose to have another kid.. then this summer I was actually feeling like I was ready to tackle it and then we had another set back of not feeling so ready.
Zoey is not the easiest child at this stage (thank you toddler-hood)
but I know if we did go the IVF route (which could take a full 2 years before a baby actually would be here) Zoey will have outgrown this phase and I would be more than ready.

Long story short when people ask when's the next one? or are yall having more?...
My heart would love to have another.
It's not that easy. And like I've said on this blog before..
I wish I could just go back to my first pregnancy,
when everything just happened when I was ready,
i was pregnant with no morning sickness,
I wasn't aware of a miscarriage,
or the stresses of infertility,
and now the possibility of passing on Cystic Fibrosis
or possible IVF with excessive medical work.

I count my blessings EVERY SINGLE day for these two sweet girls Heavenly Father sent me.
They are more than I could have ever asked for.
and we are still trying to prayerfully decide what our family will look like in the future.

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